If you want to inspire others to take a certain action in their lives or simply get out a message, eventually you’re going to have to start that journey.
Simply wanting to help others isn’t going to get you anywhere.
However, when you do start your journey, you might come to find out that getting your message out there is somewhat harder than you might think.
So you might wonder, “How will I ever get this thing to go big?”
Today’s guest, Sara DiVello, has had the opportunity to not only start her journey, but she has been able to take it nationally in just a few years after launching her book in 2013.
She has appeared in many outlets including, Forbes, ABC, The Boston Globe, USA Today, Boston Magazine, Marie Claire, Redbook, MindBodyGreen, and Dr. Oz’s The Good Life Magazine.
Today, Laila and I get the opportunity to chat with Sara about what it took to get noticed at a national level and also how she found the courage to leave her 6 figure PR position behind.
If you’re looking for some inspiration to get out of your rut and go big with your message, then Sara’s insight might just be what you’re looking for.
SPECIFICALLY, YOU’LL FIND OUT MORE ABOUT:
Why and how Sara got the courage to leave her big PR position, where she was making 6 figures, to find more fulfilling work. 9:45
Why including “The Meat” and the culture of her office was an important part in relating her book to other women. 19:58
Where Sara decided to follow a path in yoga. 19:18
Why having a strong differentiating brand is so important from the beginning. 25:25
If someone was wanting to get well known nationally, what’s a strategy she would use to start getting recognized? 51:12
What would she tell people who want to get recognized on local TV network affiliates? 58:55
What’s her thoughts on utlizing HARO to get noticed? 1:01:03
What kinds of things does she have lined up for 2016 and Q4? 1:01:57
Who are her favorite influencers in her life? 1:06:08
What’s something that she believed as a 30 year old but now things is bogus? 1:06:30
What she was to put an ad in any medium, what it be and where would she put it? 1:07:50
Three truths she’d share with others 1:08:14
When she thinks of the word success, who comes to mind and why? 1:09:34
Jacob Cass on Building a Foundation for Personal Branding:
Adam Leipzig on Finding your Life Purpose in 5 Minutes:
Sara on Victoria Kirin’s Podcast, Degrees of Separation:
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Leave a note in the comment section below!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of the post.
Also, please leave an honest review for The AoL Podcast on iTunes! Ratings and reviews are extremelyhelpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them.
If you have any questions feel free to email them over via the email mentioned in the show or by our contact form.
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Last Week I talked about how you can get more life satisfaction. There’s multiple reasons why someone would want more life satisfaction. With that post, I simply jumped into the how to of getting it started.
In today’s topic, we’re going to dive a little deeper into two of the 4 tactics mentioned in the previous post. Specifically, long term goals and having a growth mindset.
Here’s the thing, while you’re pursuing a long term goal, you’re going to grow as a person. There’s no doubt about it.
However, to do that growing AND achieve those goals, you’re going to have to put in a ton of work.
And to get that work done, you’re going to have to focus.
We All Make Choices
If you’re like me and many people I know, you probably have a busy life. For the most part, going to work takes up a ton of our time. If you have kids, that’s another layer of stuff you gotta do. And if you have extended family – there’s even more stuff you got to manage time for. And let’s not forget all the social things we might be a part of. Gaming, sports groups, you name it.
With all these things that we have to do on a daily basis, it’s hard to imagine how anyone has ever successfully done anything meaningful in their life after entering the workforce.
Seriously, who has the time?
Here’s the answer: You do.
“But how?”, you might be wondering.
We all have time. Everyone has 24 hours a day. Everyone has always had and always will have 24 hours a day.
We all make choices in how we’re going to spend our 24 hours.
Here’s a few that I’ve had to make in the past:
Go to a workplace that requires us to be there 7, 8, or even more hours per day.
Go to school and do the homework for the classes.
Be part of a sports team.
Go to the gym.
Keep working on that character in that video game.
Watch or hear that particular show so we have something to talk with people about.
Have friends or family that wants to hang out when we’re not doing work.
Sleep.
Many of these choices are things that “busy” people are probably already doing most (if not all) of. However, just because we’re busy doesn’t necessarily mean we’re being productive. And it sure as hell doesn’t mean we’re being satisfied by our lives. I could and will argue that many of these above choices can be distractions.
Most of our Satisfaction in Life Comes from Mental Focus in Working Towards Something
Outside of hanging out with friends and family, there are few things that give us all satisfaction.
Sure you might get some temporary satisfaction in playing games, watching shows, or getting that paycheck from your job. But again, I could argue those things are possibly examples of time that could be used more productively. Especially, if a person is interested in building a more satisfied life.
It’s not that we haven’t used mental focus before. You might have previously focused in school, sports, military… and even, believe it or not, playing video games.
Many would say that video game players are lazy – but they are as dedicated to their craft. Just as much as those who are focused on getting their degree, throwing a ball, or knowing what to do during an emergency situation.
Here’s Cam’s take on it:
In all four of these examples, we feel satisfied because we feel that the work that we’re performing is being put towards building something.
If it doesn’t require mental focus or we don’t feel like we’re building something, then there’s a good chance we’re not going to get satisfaction from the time, resources, or work we spend on a given activity.
Increasing Mental Focus:
So, how do we spend more of our time utilizing our mental focus towards building we care about?
1. Prepare for Prolonged Focus
The first part of being able to successfully focus on something we want to do is give ourselves the ability to actually focus.
If you’re the type of person runs on caffeine all day and doesn’t do much physical activity – that needs to change. You don’t want your body having to rely on caffeine to perform day in and day out – which can happen.
Also, stay hydrated. Personally, this is one that I struggle with myself. I know I don’t drink enough water. Having grown up on all kinds of sodas, juices, and other sugary drinks, I’ve never been able to make drinking water a part of my routine. So if you’re like me, make sure that you’re figuring out other ways of getting your water in. For me, I’ve become a tea-aholic!
One other way to prepare for prolonged focus is by making sure you get plenty of sleep. Seriously.
7 or 8 hours is what we should be shooting for. That means if you’re planning on getting up at 5 or 6 in the morning, you’ll be wanting to go to bed at 9 or 10pm at the latest.
2. Choose Your Most Important Tasks
Once you are rested up and have something to drink near you, you’ll be ready to get going. But before we do, we need to make sure we’re aware of the tasks that we want to do that particular day.
I’ve talked about how important it is to properly plan the tasks you want to get done that week and month. When it comes to doing something in a particular day, all we want to do is 1 to 3 things.
For example, I keep it simple by focusing on writing on Monday, podcast editing on Tuesday and podcast publishing on Wednesday. The rest of the time is committed to marketing, meetings, and specifically on Thursday and Friday, I try to learn and utilize new skills and systems to help with the other days.
3. Clear Space for Focused Work by Getting Rid of Distractions
Distractions come in all sizes. Having a dead end or uninteresting job, playing videogames or watching TV for 4 or more hours a day, or endlessly scrolling through social media or answering emails are examples of distractions.
The difference between distractions and other activities is that distractions are activities that aren’t helping you reach your goals or enriching your life.
If you’re having problems figuring out what the distractions in your life are, then think about the things you do that others would consider a waste of time or you personally feel is “a grind”.
Your job might literally drain you and stress you out. This might grounds to look for another job.
If you feel like you have to play video games “like a job”, then figure out something else to spend your time on. Maybe you feel like you have to be on all the social media platforms that your friends are on. If this is the case, then just pick one and let them know they can actually call you if they need something.
The goal with this step is to make sure we are not being interrupted when we actually sit down and do activities that are meaningful. If you need more help with distractions, here’s a post for more info.
If you want to start small but have some really drastic changes in this department, here are three things you can do today:
Don’t multitask. No one can multitask and if they say they can, they’re still living in the year 2000.
Turn off notifications on your phone and computer
Do not connect to social media or other things until your main tasks are done.
Don’t leave email going all day. Check it twice – preferably mid-morning and before you’re done for the day. DO NOT check it first thing!
4. Get in the Zone – Your Zone
Being busy is something that many of us have grown up believing is the key to success. And the truth is that, being busy is often times a sign that a person isn’t in control of their lives. The busier someone is or seems to be, the more they’re probably at the call of someone else.
So the goal, believe it or not, is to not for you to appear busy all the time. Instead it’s to actually be doing something when you’re wanting to do it and committing to that action. This will get you “in the Zone” or “in flow”. When you’re in flow, you won’t have to worry about others perceiving you as being busy because you will be and the more times you get there, the longer you’ll be able to stay there.
Being in flow for long periods of time is called Deep Work or Slow Working. Interestingly, this type of work yields better results in the long run.
If you’re not used to doing work for a long period of time, shoot for at least a half an hour sprint. And then work your way up to longer periods of time. The goal is to train your mind like a muscle. Ideally you’ll be able to spend enough time in a deep work mode that you’ll be able to finish the task at hand before you need a break.
However, you need to take breaks from time to time. So make sure you do take that lunch hour and walk around for a few minutes every hour or so.
If your current job prevents you from going into the zone on a regular basis, you might want to consider finding another job. I personally believe that being able to be in flow is a vital part of having job satisfaction.
If you’ve never had a job that will allow you to get there, then that might be a sign that it’s time for you to start your own business. This will give you a way to do something you like to do in a way that you will like doing it.
Ending Thoughts
I hope that this post gives you a clearer sense of what focus and subsequently, your work life, should be like. If you believe that you’re not being able to clearly focus on your job or in your business, then it might definitely be time to change some things up.
Lack of focus will cause you unneeded stress. Period. With so many options and opportunities in the world today, it’s just not smart to strap yourself to a particular group of coworkers or a paycheck with a particular name on it.
That might have been expected with the Baby Boomers, but even they know that things are changing quickly. (For a great discussion on this topic, check out my discussion with Dr. Joe Albano)
Your goal is to not look at a job as “working for” a particular company. It’s to look at a job as “working with” them. If you can’t find the partnership you seek in your current industry, you owe it to yourself to find that partnership elsewhere – even if it means starting your own business.
Word of advice: Don’t expect for your current company to change for you. Just because you might be starting to find your own goals in life, doesn’t mean your current place of employment agrees with those goals.
You might have to move. But that’s ok, because you don’t want to work at a place you’re not appreciated.
If you find yourself looking for a new job, do your due diligence when you’re interviewing and find out if the position truly works for you along with the goals and culture of the company that you’ll be working with.
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Two, I’ll admit that there are plenty of coaches out there that help men level up. That said, I think that my story is almost as simple as you can get in making the journey. The way I found Maria is like how most guys go into a store. Go in, find exactly what you want, and get out.
And three, while I could have focused on a resource that isn’t gender specific, I’m a heterosexual guy and to be quite frank, I think that guys have a better chance of successfully learning and teaching this kind of information with and to other men.
If you want to find out more about the resource – it will be up by next week for sure.
In the meantime, I thought I’d put some extra information here that I thought relates very well – to both sexes.
So here we go…
1. Know what’s Important in Life
Many people today (myself included) were told as we were growing up by marketing companies that we need things. The more we saw the ad, the more we probably wanted whatever they were advertising (or at least knew about it). The higher this want was, the more likely we are to buy something – whether we need it or not.
But, like any beginnings of an addiction, this high is very short lived. And naturally we’ll want more and more of it. Eventually, if it goes unchecked, this addiction can cause us problems in the rest of our life.
So, to deal with this problem, many people believe that the way to solve it is to outearn the problem. This makes a little sense. But is pretty difficult to actually do.
It’s the Relationships, Not the Things
Interestingly, if a person is used to buying themselves into debt at one level, the chances of them changing at a higher income is highly unlikely. Simple truth is that the higher the income a person has, the more they’re probably going to spend on stuff they don’t need.
Whether you’re buying things for yourself or others, this rush always occurs when we’re buying something.
What we really should focus on is what is going to stick with us long term. And what I’ve come to find out is that solid relationships with those that we choose to be in our lives is really the makeup of who we are – not the things.
So if you’re going to spend money, spend money in a way that is investing in yourself and the relationships with others – but not so much that you make yourself poor in the process. We wouldn’t want to be an enabler. (If you are curious about that topic, here’s a resource.)
2. Be Self-Aware of Who You Are And What You Want from Life
Ok, so we learned that money shouldn’t be the total focus in life. And you’ve heard numerous times on the AoL Podcast that being financially wealthy doesn’t measure one’s success.
So if we’re not living to produce money (which, let’s face it, many people do in today’s world), what are we living for?
To find the answer for this question, we need to dig down deep into ourselves. We need to be more authentic – not just to people around us but to ourselves. This is the only way that we’ll be able to find our strengths. When we know what our strengths are, our passion will find us. As we hone our strengths, we start finding our purpose in the world.
I have come to find out that most of us would be much happier if we spent our time living to better ourselves, our lives, and the lives around us. True, having money might be a part of that, but being wealthy is what I really am talking about – and not just monetarily wealthy. I mean the whole shooting match.
The truth of the matter is this: the more compassion we have for ourselves and others (notice I didn’t say just ourselves), the happier of a life we’re going to have. You gotta learn how to give yourself a break when it’s needed, but also know when you need to persevere forward in your journey.
As we go on this journey, we’ll have more and more to add to our life stories. And I’d imagine that you’d probably want your life story to be a best-seller (otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this)… so don’t live the same life as everyone else.
3. Demonstrate Passion and Perseverance for Long-Term Goals
One of the reasons why many of us fail to live our passions, besides working for a paycheck, is that we’re not entirely sure of ourselves when it comes to making long-term goals and decisions. Outside of formal education, most of us have never have really made a long-term goal and stuck with it. So that’s why you could look at your scholastic history as a model of how to do long term goal setting and planning.
Now, here’s a problem. The thing is that formal education never asks us what we want to be when we grow up. They just program us to be a cog in the big plan of society. I’m sure like me, you’ve probably at one point asked yourself “Why do I care what x and y are when 3x + 4y = 35”?
You don’t care, that’s the thing. Formal education teaches most of us what to learn and think so you’ll be a good soldier.
That being the case, we can learn to set goals for ourselves by modeling their process – just not the topics that are taught.
Use Familiar Time Frames to Cut Up Large Goals
So what does that mean? Well, for one, you might want to cut your stretches of time into weeks, 6 weeks, semesters, years, etc. And to be truly honest, don’t expect anything great to take less than a year to get off the ground. Those of us who went to college know that there is a big difference between being a high school senior and a college freshman. (Same could be said about moving from junior high to high school, but many of us can’t remember that far back! Haha.)
So you’re going to have to let yourself have some time in getting acclimated to your surroundings anytime you start something new.
Also, don’t forget about getting things done in a day. Don’t try to get a ton of stuff done, but instead, focus on one to three things that you know you can get done. If you have time afterwards, work on some of that other stuff then.
If you have a bad day, don’t worry about it. Everyone does, and in the grand scheme of things, one bad day isn’t going to ruin your life’s plan. In fact, it might give it a good mini-story.
4. Embrace a Growth Mindset
You know, I’ve always learned and read things just for the heck of it. I used to love finding out about new science related stuff, and filling my head with random facts. In fact, that’s still one of the ways that I spend free time here and there. I’m a reddit addict during my idle time.
In the grand scheme of things, there’s nothing wrong with this. In fact, you being able to be curious is what is going to help you be of service to other people. The more you can learn about various topics related to your strengths and skill set, the more valuable you become to others.
On top of developing your strengths and skills, you also want to be able to develop your social skills. In college, we always talked about how a graduate’s first job is going to be obtained from the skills they have and their GPA.
After they’ve been in the marketplace for a while, their people skills become increasingly more important. There’s two reasons for this. One is because the skill set they developed at college, tend to become outdated within a few years (especially those in STEM related fields) and two, as they get older they’ll be expected to lead more teams.
So that’s why soft skills are so important. Funny enough, this is why the department I got my Masters from at Purdue existed in the first place. The Organizational Leadership and Supervision was in the School of Technology!
Case Study:
Just a note as we’re looking to check out here, here’s a post from Dane Maxwell (known for starting The Foundation) that I believe embodies everything that I’ve discussed here today.
After reading the post, we should be able to see that he hits all 4 of these ways of having a more satisfying life.
He Knows What’s Important in Life
He Knows Who he is and What he Wants from Life
He’s been able to Plan and Achieve Long Term Goals
And, he’s been able to Embrace a Growth Mindset
If your goal in life is to be happy and satisfied with who you are and what you do, then I believe that you could learn a lot from studying Dane and his continuing journey.
Action Steps:
This week, if you haven’t already, I want you to start doing some soul searching. Think about not only what’s important in life, but what you want from it. Also, based on what you know about yourself, think about how you might just get there. You might find out that happiness is actually closer than you think.
Also, if you’re nowhere close to your ideal life, start trying to find and get to know people that might be connected to individuals who are. Start investing in those relationships and helping each other get to where you both want to be in life. Start becoming a Linchpin.
Further Study on this Topic:
Wanting to know more about this topic? Here’s a two more resources:
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Society in general teaches us to not only care what other people think, but that we have to conform to those thoughts. For many people, that’s not a problem. But for us creatives it can be really hard. And often times we find ourselves asking two questions:
Am I living the life that I’ve seen for myself? And “Who am I going to live my life for?”
The answer to those two questions often times leads to the formation of one’s own passion based business.
In fact, that’s what happened to today’s guest, Sandra Bellamy.
Not only did Sandra come to this realization back in 2012, but she’s made it her mission to help other people figure out for themselves that they’re connected to a Matrix that has no interest in their personal desires. She calls it “Embracing Your Quirky”.
The truth is that once we unplug, we have to start believing in ourselves and take a big leap of faith – because no one else is going to on our behalf.
In this chat, we talk about how she learned to embrace her quirky, how you can do so in your daily life, and we also dive a bit into her experiences as a writer and why she believes that anyone can be a writer.
It’s a practical and exceptionally helpful episode. Enjoy!
SPECIFICALLY, YOU’LL FIND OUT MORE ABOUT:
How can someone tell if they’re not embracing who they are enough? 22:23
Why she loves “the lifestyle of a teenager” to empower how she see’s herself. 23:14
How someone can “embrace their own quirky” more. 26:30
What are some of the experiences that she’s had working with others. 30:06
Why she has a wide spread of book topics and where each one came from. 34:42
How she’s able to write so much and why she believes that anyone can be a writer. 46:39
What she’s looking forward to in the not too distant future. 51:38
What are three thought leaders she recommends to other people the most. 54:13
One thing that’s under $100 that has changed her life. 55:15
One gift she likes giving others. 55:50
3 truths that she would share with others. 56:06
Something she believed when she was 24 but now thinks is bogus. 58:00
When she thinks of the word success, who comes to mind and why? 1:00:31
Free Book and Review Opportunity from Red Door Publishing:
Andy Harrington’s story of how Tony Robbins Changed his Life:
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Leave a note in the comment section below!
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of the post.
Also, please leave an honest review for The AoL Podcast on iTunes! Ratings and reviews are extremelyhelpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them.
If you have any questions feel free to email them over via the email mentioned in the show or by our contact form.
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Growing up, many of us were never taught about money and really where it comes from or really how to generate more of it. The only thing we were taught about it was that if we had enough we could buy something with it.
Later, when we got older, we’d find out that we could actually get paid to do jobs here and there, say like yard mowing. We learned that if we saved that money we earned, we’d be able to put it all together and get something we really wanted.
The older we got, though, the more expensive the things we wanted became. In high school for me, it was cars, gifts, and, apparel. The list continued to get longer and longer.
As we got older, we learned that if we could manage to get a college degree, we would be qualified to get higher paying jobs.
Oh, and if we wanted or needed something right now that we could use a credit card and then pay back the credit company back all at once or over time. The sooner we paid the companies back (monthly is best), the sooner that our credit went up. The higher our credit the more a company would risk on us to buy larger purchases – including houses. This is where mortgages come from.
Retail Therapy is an Addiction.
Obviously, the more expensive our tastes, the more money we need to support it. Even more so, the more that we want or feel we need something new – the sooner that we’re going to pay for it.
Doing this over and over just for the hell of buying things is definitely a thing. Why? Because there is a rush in buying something. And just like any other rush, it can get addictive.
There’s tons of people who don’t know when they’re getting out of control in their spending. Part of this can be put on the shoulders of not having a real education about money growing up. However, there’s another part. A part that is a little deeper and a little darker.
That part that is so common with other addictions. We’re using that addiction to fill a void in our life. The thing about voids is that we usually try to fill them with things that are detrimental to other aspects of our lives. “Retail Therapy” is really no different than gambling. Just throwing money out there on things that have no relevance in where we actually exist in life.
Righting the Ship
Hopefully you’re the type of person who can see where things are going wrong in your life. If you feel that you don’t have money to do what you really want to do with your life or you simply have a ton of stuff, but you still feel empty – then I want you to keep reading.
In a nutshell, what I’ve already talked about here is the extent of what I learned about money before I started educating myself on the matter. It came from what was taught to me at school and from what I learned from people in my life.
What I found is that life is actually NOT about going to work and getting paid the market value of what I’m worth. It’s not just about buying things that you need and what hoping that this new thing might make you happy.
What it is about is giving yourself as many options as possible to do things that fulfill you. And, as I’ve mentioned before, Financial Freedom is a big part of opening up those options.
Achieving Financial Security
So, the first step to reaching Financial Freedom is by first obtaining Financial Security. In this video, Tony Robbins discusses what that means.
So let’s say that finding Financial Security sounds like a good place to start? How would you get there?
Sure, you could seek out more of Tony’s info (and I recommend it), but I think the biggest name that’s out there in today’s world is Dave Ramsey. He’s on national radio and his main focus is to help people learn how to get achieve financial security.
Laila swears by Dave and his methods and I have to say that I appreciate the advice that he gives when I get the opportunity to hear him.
So here’s a really good video I found where Dave explains his steps his famous framework called The 7 Baby Steps.
For Maria and myself, this has been a good place to be at. Many people in our lives believe that we’re poor because we don’t spend our money on anything and everything. However, we know that eventually we’ll be able to do rather well on what we’ve invested in during the past 5 years.
Reaching for Financial Independence
After you’ve bought your home and have everything covered by Dave Ramsey’s method, you need to start thinking about the next level. Let’s bring in Tony again here so that we can see the next step.
Maria and I are working to be fully in this zone with our next house. We have a few more debts to knock out before we get there, but we believe we’ll be able to get there within the next year or two.
But really our secret has been to keep re-investing money into other baskets and not spending money from building our financial security phase.
Another step for us to start reaching financial independence was taken by me when I started focusing on New Inceptions. One of the things I heard in LTD back when was that you shouldn’t do something that you believe will never get you to your destination. Whether that’s more financially focused or purpose driven, you have to do something that will yield you the results that you really want. Not doing so will either drive you insane or send you into a constant depression.
Don’t do that to yourself!
Escaping the Rat Race – What Financial Freedom Looks Like
I know a few people who are already at this level. What’s interesting to me is that they’re as busy as the rest of us, but they live their lives in a world where they’re choosing what they want to do.
Mark Nathan is one of those people. And if you listen to his chat in session 22 of the AoL Podcast, you find out that just because you’re free – that you don’t actually want to sit on a beach somewhere. Check out that interview here.
My thinking is that once you’re used to working at peak level, you can’t stop. At this point, you’ve more than likely found meaning in your life and you know how to leverage your skill set. Stopping would probably yield insanity. Chances are you’ve definitely built a business around this so it can’t ever be taken from you.
I’d love to hear how your guys’ plans are going. Do you follow Dave Ramsey? If not, who do you follow for your financial advice? I’d love to hear one or two tips that you’ve learned on your quest in getting out of the rat race and reaching financial freedom.
https://www.newinceptions.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Escaping-the-Rat-Race-by-Achieving-Financial-Security-and-Independence.jpg800800JChttps://www.newinceptions.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/NI-Web-Logo8.20165.pngJC2016-08-23 12:00:322016-08-28 22:35:02Escaping the Rat Race by Achieving Financial Security
There’s so many things we have to do as an entrepreneur. Either we do it ourselves or we pay someone else to do it.
If you’re just starting out on your path, you might not have the resources to pay for all the help you need.
How do you get things done if you need help on graphics or grammar checking? Maybe you need help getting through a mental block or getting a new perspective on your business? Do you have the resources to pay for all of that?
Probably not. Perhaps bartering is the answer. But where online can you do that?
That’s what today’s guest, Mellissa Rempfer has been able to foster in her group, Brilliance and Business.
In this chat, we talk about where the idea of the group came from and more about what sets it apart. We also get into how she got her start in doing big things early on, and the three instincts of the human condition and how those apply in life and business.
SPECIFICALLY, YOU’LL FIND OUT MORE ABOUT:
How Mellissa didn’t even realize she had hit the bottom even though she was homeless in high school. 11:05
How she moved from being homeless to going to college 16:19
Why she decided that she wanted to be a pediatric trauma surgeon. 18:41
Where the idea of a student center came from and how she was able to put all the pieces together to get it built on her campus. 21:17
What she did immediately after graduating. 29:33
When she felt it was time to start a business. 34:24
Her initial experience in coaching and how Brilliance and Business originally came about. 38:30
What Brilliance and Business is all about. 47:09
How she feels has helped her grow the group as well as it has? 53:55
How do the three instincts of the human condition play into what she does? 57:57
More about the implementation of these instincts in the group 1:05:55
What are some of the things that’s she’s looking forward to in the future 1:07:30
What three things she would like people to remember her by? 1:10:21
Three truths she wants to share with others? 1:10:36
Where she would run a non promotional ad and what would it say? 1:11:37
3 Favorite Podcasts 1:14:04
What she would say to her 25 year old self? 1:17:40
When she thinks of success, who does she think of and why? 1:18:37
Kim Eldredge and Mellissa talk about Mellissa’s book:
How to Communicate on Facebook:
Introduction to the Enneagram:
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Leave a note in the comment section below!
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https://www.newinceptions.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/AoL-Podcast-Logo-Master-Image-session49.jpg700700JChttps://www.newinceptions.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/NI-Web-Logo8.20165.pngJC2016-08-18 11:08:152021-08-23 10:05:40AoL 049: From Homeless in High School to Expert Enabler and Community Builder with Mellissa Rempfer
A video from this past winter of Gary Vee’s got me thinking. The world is full of victims. And really, much of the direction of the country as a whole is going because of how many people in their lives that they are a victim – more to the point – a victim of their circumstance. Here’s that video:
Just this past weekend, I had the opportunity to sit down with a friend of mine from the Muncie area. As we were talking, he made it clear that he felt that his place in life made it hard for him to progress in life. Having a disability from a past job and not feeling like he could be retrained to do something else due to his age, he seemed adrift in his career. Just bobbing up and down in the sea of life and letting whatever currents that be take him with them.
I asked him, “if you had an ideal life, what would it look like?”. He said “You know, I haven’t really thought about that because it seems like it would be too far out of reach.”
I then asked him, “How do you think that the Olympic athletes are there doing their thing? Do you think they thought that being there was out of reach?”
His response was, “No. But they had people that helped them get there. They knew the right people.”
“Interesting.”, I replied. The conversation continued after that for a bit… but I could tell that I got his mind spinning a bit.
Formal Education Can be a Waste of Time
Now, if you’re not familiar with the Muncie, Indiana area – it used to be full of manufacturing jobs. However, since those jobs have all but left the country, there are many people who are still displaced and trying to figure out what to do with their lives. (A bi-product of this loss of jobs has been the rise of drug use in the area – including, but not limited to, meth.)
When I worked at Ivy Tech for a few years, my students were mainly a mixture of kids just out of high school and these displaced individuals. I’m glad that they were there. Whether they were there because they got some money from the state to be there (school loans that might later hurt them) or they actually realized that education IS a way to move forward. I loved these adult learners – but I hated that I wasn’t getting the opportunity to teach them important things that would help them actually move forward in their lives.
Seriously. How is Algebra going to help them? They need a whole reworking of how they see the world. Not the knowledge of how to find the equation of a line drawn on a grid!
Even when I first went to college, I was hoping that it would teach me skills that I would actually be able to apply to having a successful life. Instead all I was taught was code, equations, and facts. While it applied to me getting a job, it never applied to real life.
When I graduated, I pretty much had the same perspective on life that I did when I entered. I just had a higher vocabulary. (Which, funny enough, ostracized me from everyday folks outside out of academia. Later, when I did start teaching at Ivy Tech, I had to become more relatable and adjust my speaking patterns again.)
I can attribute my new perspective on the world as starting during my active years in LTD. That was the first time in my life that I had positive and successful people around me. I learned from them how to start learning how to live a better life myself. And the biggest thing that I learned was that I needed to adjust my own victim perspective. (Soon, with the passing of my mom, I also realized that the mindset of a victim can actually kill. She had several things wearing on her at the time and anytime I hear people stuck in life with little options, I really feel their pain. It usually brings me back to what she was going through.)
7 Steps to Retaking Control of Your Life
So, how did having these people in LTD specifically help me get out of having a victim mindset? Well, you’re in luck. I’m going to share you a list of steps that I can look back on and see what I did to start getting to point where I am today.
Become aware and realize when you’re playing the victim card.
Like any other “normal” behavior, blaming others for your misfortunes can become a habit and even an addiction. Like any other addiction, we need to be able to admit that we need to make a change in our own life before we can actually do it.
Realize why you actually do it.
You might want attention and validation. You can always get good feelings from other people as they are concerned about you and try to help you out. On the other hand, it may not last for that long as people get tired of it.
You don’t have to take risks. When you feel like a victim you tend to not take action and then you don’t have to risk for example rejection or failure.
You don’t have to take the sometimes heavy responsibility. Taking responsibility for your own life can be hard work, you have to make difficult decisions and it is just heavy sometimes. In the short term it can feel like the easier choice to not take personal responsibility.
It makes you feel right. When you feel like the victim and like everyone else – or just someone else – is wrong and you are right then that can lead to pleasurable feelings.
As with any other bad habit (or addiction), being aware of what you’re actually doing is will give you the ability to start thinking about those actions rationally. It’s when you’re aware of your actual choice that you can start thinking about taking different actions.
It’s Ok to Not Be a Victim
Anytime we think about doing something different in our life, we always wonder what others in our life are going to think. If you’re a gamer, you’re going to wonder what your gaming buddies are going to think. If you’re an alcoholic, you’re going to wonder what your buddies at the bar are going to think. The list goes on.
Also realize that you’re going to struggle with it yourself. You may have spent hours each week with thinking and talking about how wrong things have gone for you in life. Or how people have wronged you and how you could get some revenge or triumph over them. This whole new thinking process is going to be new to you. It’s going to be tough, but in the end it’ll be worth it to be free.
Now you have to fill your life with new thinking that may feel uncomfortable because it is not so intimately familiar as the victim thinking you have been engaging in for years.
Take Responsibility for your Life.
Stop waiting on other people’s approval to live your life. As much as you might think growing up, you’re not your parents, and they’re not you.
Growing up, if we’ve had good parents, they’ve programmed into us that we’re capable of doing anything with our lives. However, over time we might start feeling that we’re not living to their standards. (I know that’s something that I’ve struggled with in the past.)
From this, we start developing self-esteem issues. We start believing that we’re totally capable of living a good life, but for whatever reason, it’s not happening.
We might lash out on other people, we might drown ourselves in other types of addictions to avoid the pain that we’re feeling.
This damages other vital parts of our lives: relationships, ambitions, and other achievements. Obviously, this isn’t a good thing.
Until we take take responsibility for our own lives, this pain of ours continues. If anything goes wrong in life, take responsibility for it – unless your life is literally threatened then you should probably blame the other guy. 😉
(Side note: Also forget what other people say if you’re having issues there. You don’t need to be part of a group that disrepects you as a person.)
Have Gratitude for What you do Have.
I can almost guarantee you that you’re probably upset about where you’re at in life – with something. You might have thought that you were going to be farther in life than you currently are. Maybe you thought you’d be married by now. Maybe you want to have kids and you don’t yet. Maybe you actually have a successful business now, but you don’t own the Jets yet (looking at you, Gary. 😉 )
The truth is that there’s a thing called “The Missing Tile Syndrome”. We all have it and need to deal with it regularly. The best way to deal with it is to appreciate that all the other tiles in our lives are in place. That maybe we have a loving family and that we have a good job to pay the rent or mortgage. Or that we can travel anywhere in the world that we want to at any time.
Having a journal can help immensely with this step.
Forgive Those who Trespass Against You.
At this point, you’re starting to realize that you’re not perfect. That’s great! But you also have to give others the benefit of the doubt too. The truth of the matter is that no one has time to worry about your life more than they worry about their own. So they’re going to piss you off from time to time because they’re just trying to do their thing.
Forgive those that cut you off in traffic. They might be having a really bad day. Forgive those that cut in line at the fair or Disney World – they might actually have a VIP pass. (Is that an actual thing?)
The point being is that you bring on this negative energy onto yourself when you have these feelings. You want positive energy and forgiving does that. Start thinking about other people’s perspective when they seemingly are picking on you. (Unless again if your life is ACTUALLY threatened… then you might want to go into self preservation mode.)
Turn your focus outward and help someone out.
There’s a saying, “People don’t care about what you know until they know that you care”. But the problem is that people really don’t know who you are (because why would you have ever shown them the real you?) or they don’t know you’re trying to make a change to be a better person.
Action speak more than words. So if you’re true intent is to ultimately feel that you’re not a victim, there’s nothing more that will show this than actually being of service to other people.
Really, when you’re known as being a server and later a servant leader, that’s when you really know you’re no longer a victim – you’re a victor.
Sometimes You’ll Need to Give Yourself a Break.
Sometimes you’re going to have relapses in your feelings about yourself and your new decisions. It’s part of what makes us human. In entrepreneurship, it’s called the entrepreneur emotion rollercoaster.
Sometimes you’re going to love what you do. Sometimes you’re going to wonder if it’s worth your trouble.
When I’m on the bottom of this rollercoaster, I’ll remind myself that I’ve done the work to come to this point and realize that this is who I am and no one can take that from me.
In your instance, you might simply need to realize that it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being happy. Sometimes other people are going to crap on you on rainy days. Just remember that they’ll get theirs and there’s nothing you should do to speed that process up because you’ll look bad in the process (again, unless it’s about actually surviving… then take them out or escape. We don’t want anyone suffering from Stockholm Syndrome).
Action Steps:
Below, I’d love to hear from you! Let me know how these work out for you if you get a chance to use them in your life too. Or maybe you’ve gone through a similar process? Let me know if I left anything out!
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