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what to do when you hate your job

6 Red Flags Telling You to Move on In Your Career: (or What to Do When You Hate Your Job)

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I remember one of my favorite shows in high school was the Drew Carey Show. Yes, Drew Carey had his own sitcom before he was the host of the Price is Right and even before “Whose Line is It Anyway?”. It was really cool having a sitcom based in the midwest.

In fact, you could probably say it was a midwestern take on the show Friends.

As I remember it today, the show was built around his frustrations with life and how things simply weren’t working out the way he and his friends had hoped they’d work out.

I liked the show so much. I think it was because I could relate with Drew as a character on the show but also as the actor, himself. So when I saw his biography, I had to pick it up.

It was called Dirty Jokes and Beer: Stories of the Unrefined. And like his show, I loved that book quite a bit. Enough that I probably read it 5 times over before going to Purdue.

One quote that I can visually remember him saying in that book was this:

“My mind was a mess back then as I drove across the country [from gig to gig]. I was driving to clear my head, and all I could do was obsess on my uncertain future. It’s like you’re at a crap game, and on your biggest roll, the dice go in slow motion. For months, you watch them spin and roll and bounce around, waiting for them to land so you know if you’re a winner or a loser. Total limbo.”

 

During my time in college, I came to understand what he meant by this. It wasn’t until after getting out grad school that I finally felt the need to start seeing a need to develop a vision for my own path.

So many of us do what we feel like we’re supposed to do. But, what we DON’T do is what we CAN do to because we actually WANT to do it.

Instead, we get our instructions from external forces – not internal ones.

In other words, we don’t live our lives with intent. We haven’t really developed our own wants.

Sure we have all kinds of aspirations, but without actual personal intent – very little of it will come true.

 

Don’t Make the “Money First, Mission Last” Mistake!

Many of us continue to live life in that limbo state that Drew was talking about. Looking for a sign from the world to tell us that we’re doing the right thing.

But for many, that feeling never comes.

For Baby Boomers and a lot of Generation Xers, this seems to be the norm. Their biggest concern as an adult was to get a stable paycheck.

And most of the tie, that steady paycheck has come from being an employee – a follower – because the advice to get that paycheck was to get a job. The higher the pay, the better, right?

As we know, this isn’t the case.

But you can’t blame these generations for not wanting more for themselves than a steady paycheck. Society has taught us for decades that supporting our families was the most important thing to do as an adult. It was a perk if we were to do that work in a field we actually like. But the truth is, many of us in the 9 to 5 world simply don’t.

Case in point, here’s another quote of Drew’s:

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

Kind of a sad reality, huh?

Laila Carmel Magazine

Laila Featured in Carmel Magazine! (Click for info)

It Doesn’t Have to be This Way

As I alluded to in a recent post, no one has to work a job they hate – especially with the sharing economy picking up the way it is. For example, look at my cohost Laila! She quit her “dream job” at NASA because she knew she could be more impactful as a fitness coach.

Later, while she was building her coaching business as the Fitness Astronaut, she worked as a tutor to have income to support that goal. While the tutoring didn’t necessarily bring in the same level of income as a high flying NASA position, it did leave her enough energy to work on building her business.

Today, she’s really blossoming into her new life as evident from her recent story in a local magazine.

6 Signs to Know if You Need to Ditch Your Current Path

As Laila and I chatted over her transitional time, I came to understand that there were a few flags that she noticed at her time at NASA that suggested that maybe she wasn’t doing the right thing for her.

In fact, I’d even go on to say that many of these flags, I noticed myself during my brief time in the corporate world.

Here’s a quick list of reasons NOT to stay in a bad position:

 

1. Doing it for the Money

As we’ve been talking about, money doesn’t directly buy happiness – especially if you focus your life on acquiring it.

 

2. Doing it for a Title or Status

If you’re working some position because you think it impresses your friends, family, or your old self but the position sucks, it’s ok to give it up. Titles mean jack at the end of the day and we all change over time. What we would identify with 5 years ago isn’t actually us!

 

3. Doing it because your Family did It

If you know Gary Vaynerchuk’s background, you know he got his education in the liquor business world. But that’s not the kind of entrepreneur he is or even pretends to be today. Sure, every once in awhile he’ll come out with some sort of wine related offer (like his recent wine club), but he’s moved on to other things that are more important for him.

You’re allowed to move on, too!

 

4. Doing it Because you Don’t Want to Look like a Failure

This was one of issues I shared with Laila. We both had spent all that time pursuing a degree to work in the STEM world. But yet, at the end of the day, it didn’t satisfy us. And during our transitional time, we might have looked like we were idiots for giving up what we strived so long to achieve!

Here’s the thing – failing is a part of life. For you to not admit that you screwed up and went after something that might not have been you in the first place, that would be a bigger failure than realizing it and adjusting as quickly as possible.

We learn through failure, so don’t try to avoid it unless the outcome is surely life threatening.

 

5. Because It’s Easy

When I taught at Ivy Tech, I went into it knowing that I could teach Algebra – no problem. What I didn’t realize is that the students I’d be teaching it to – really didn’t have any reason to know what I was teaching them.

Many of them had a bigger need of learning what I’m teaching you guys than learning about Algebra.

Sure, Algebra can be interesting to the right people, but I realized that there were some things that I felt needed to be taught first.

 

6. Because You Can Tolerate It

Very similar to the last point. Just because you can tolerate having a certain position… doesn’t mean that position is for you specifically. Depending on the job, there’s probably a good chance that someone else could use that position and be grateful for it. You just getting by not only does a disservice for you but for that other person as well.

Don’t tolerate positions. You’re wasting your time, the company’s, and potentially someone else’s whose potentially stuck in an even worse position than you.

 

Action Steps

So the next time you realize that you’re miserable in whatever position you’re in, whether it’s a regular 9 to 5, or even running a business that you’ve grown tired of, realize that it’s never too late to move onto something that’s more fitting for who you are now.

Your next step might just be finding out what your Personal Mission actually is. If so, my guide is just around the corner.

Until then, don’t forget that if you don’t necessarily hate your job, but want to eventually leave, you can use it as a launchpad to your next endeavour. Here’s how.

Oh, and if you have moved on to a new career after putting substantial time into your previous time, let us know about it! How’d you know it was time to change it up? What red flags did you see?

 

side business

Rachel Pedersen – From College Dropout to International Influencer: How a Former Hairdresser made her Side Business a 6 Figure Recurring Revenue Machine (AoL 112)

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When we’re building a side business, it’s easy to get the mindset that because we have some sort of disadvantage compared to someone else that we won’t be able to do what they’ve done.

Truth is, though, that’s usually an excuse more than anything else. It’s a victim mentality.

If you truly want to do something with your life and your work, then having that mentality isn’t going to get you anywhere.

For me, when I was growing up in my hometown, I knew I was going to go to grad school. Both of my parents had their master’s degrees, so it was an automatic that I would at least have that. It didn’t matter how long it took or what I had to do to achieve that goal. It was going to happen.

However, a lot of my peers didn’t have that perspective and/or support that I did. So their goals weren’t as “big”. While they might have dreamed about leaving our hometown and doing great things, many fell short. They just didn’t have the missing ingredient to get to that point.

I’d argue that this particular missing ingredient, for most, is unfortunately hitting rock bottom. Where things are so unbearable that we are forced to dream of a better life.

For this session’s guest, this was definitely the case. Rachel Pedersen has lead a life peppered with all kinds of ups and downs. Growing up in Minnesota as a pastor’s daughter, she had great expectations. But somewhere along the line, life took a turn and she found herself a college dropout with kids AND on welfare. But her story doesn’t stop there. It got much better.

In fact, today she finds herself working on her own 7 figure marketing business. What happened in the middle there? That’s what we’re going to be finding out in today’s session.

Enjoy!

SPECIFICALLY, YOU’LL FIND OUT MORE ABOUT:

  • Did she ever see herself being as successful as she’s become? 7:50
  • While growing up, did she live her life based on what others expected of her or did she do her own thing from get go? 9:49
  • What was the first mental click Rachel had where she realized she needed to start building a side business? 12:38
  • Did she start working with her clients for free like Russell Brunson suggests in his book or did she charge right away? 19:03
  • What are some tips for someone to become as successful as Rachel even if they live in a “small town” or don’t have the best support in getting there? 23:34
  • What are 5 steps that someone should take if they want to start their own side business? 29:44
  • How does Rachel build a real human connection with people through social media? 39:14
  • Who does she pay attention to when it comes to watching FB Live videos? 42:42
  • How do you build a following and how does one define that? 44:52
  • What’s Rachel looking forward to in 2018? 46:57
  • One gift she likes giving others? 53:11
  • What’s something that’s going to affect entrepreneurship in the future she’s excited about? 53:37
  • What’s an issue that’s not being talked about enough? 54:42
  • How can someone be a difference maker in their community? 55:04

Right click here and save-as to download this episode to your computer.

ITEMS and PEOPLE MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

SHOW NOTE EXTRAS:

3 Ways of Finding Social Media Clients

Why Small Businesses Fear Social Media

3 Secrets of Facebook Ads and Funnels

How to Become a Fully Booked Social Media Manager

Thanks for Listening!

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Cheers!

self image

Eleven Quick Tips to Improve Your Self Image: A Big Part of Fulfilling Your Personal Mission

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As I’m approaching the release of my newest resource on finding a Personal Mission, I thought a good lead into the launch should involve some related content. Last week’s post was an example. Here’s another one.

This piece, originally posted on October 26th, 2010, is probably one of my favorite early posts.

I used to struggle with my self image a lot. A good part of it was because I didn’t have my own mission yet. I was a fish trying to compare myself to monkeys when it came to climbing trees. Perhaps just like you, I was told that climbing trees was the best career out there. Except it wasn’t really trees – it was “finding a job”.

It just wasn’t for me – and I eventually figured that out.

Even if you haven’t realized your own mission yet, you can start building your self image. While having your own mission does help with making these tips more practical, sometimes it helps to make the transition one small piece at a time. When you do have a high self image, you’ll have the required confidence to live the life you want. Without the confidence, there’s a good chance you won’t commit!

Getting out of Your Rut

In today’s world, society has forced many of us to be what we’re not. Making us feel like we’re somehow inadequate. For most people, this is considered the norm.

But the result is that it might leave us feeling stuck in a rut.

If you find yourself in this rut and not feeling like you actually appreciate yourself as much as you think you should, then there’s a good chance you have a low self image. As you’ve probably heard, having a good self image can help give someone more confidence. So, increasing your self image can help you with your personal life but it can even help with your professional life.

In the past, as I have worked with others in their self development path, one of the biggest problems I see most frequently are those that deal with self acceptance and self image. As I have personally struggled with my identity and these problems myself, I had plenty of time to figure out what worked and what didn’t… and several times over for others.

1. Clothes Do Make the Man (and Woman)

Yes, it’s an old cliche’, but that doesn’t make it any less true. A few years back, I remember a time when I didn’t really have any more than one oversized suit. Now I have several. Why? Because when we dress confidently, we feel confident. Try this experiment: for one week, dress like the person you want to be, NOT the person you think you are. This one is a simple change and can have the potential to dramatically improve your self image.

2. Keep Your Environment Tidy.

Keeping your house and car clean helps raise your self image. Most people like being in clean areas more than cluttered ones. Those same people tend to get depressed when they’re in a cluttered environment. So instead of submitting yourself to a environment that could prove to be depressing, put some effort into keeping your environment like that of a person you believe to have a higher self image would have. That doesn’t have to be spotless — maybe just organized and practical.

3. Stop Trying so Damn Hard.

Improving your self image should not be about struggling. Give up trying to be a perfectionist, and give yourself permission to be a human being who will naturally make mistakes sometimes. As I mentioned in my last post, detailitis is a disease of success. If you’re constantly searching for perfection, you’re constantly failing to achieve just that. So instead, just strive for excellence. A sure-fire way to feel inferior is to set the bar too high in every area of your life. Cut yourself some slack — you deserve it.

4. Focus Your Attention Outward.

One of my favorite quotes that I quote Zig Ziglar for saying is this: “Those who help enough other people get what they want, automatically get what they want in return.” Lack of confidence often causes people to focus an inordinate amount of attention inward, on the “self.” Make it a point to focus more attention on others than you do on yourself. Remember, confident people focus outward — insecure people focus inward.

5. Avoid Energy Drainers.

All of us know someone who seems to “suck the energy” out of a room just by entering. These negative people are all around us. They might even be your parents.  Give yourself permission to minimize contact with these people. Don’t hate them or judge them in any way. Just recognize that they do not improve the quality of your life, and minimize your connection with them.

6. Take a Chance.

Try something new and different that you may have been apprehensive about in the past. Enroll in an adult education class, or join a book club, gym, bowling league or other social pastime. Anything that will get you out of your shell.  The change will do you good, and your self image will improve!

7. Be a Giver.

The Golden Rule states: “Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.” With that in mind, start giving what you want to receive in life. If you want people to treat you that you’re a confident and human person, Make other people feel as confident and human as you can. When you build up others, you are sure to get back the same thing. Call it karma or what ever you like – it always works!

8. Practice Forgiving Others.

Many people are very hard on themselves because, deep down, there’s something in their past that they would rather forget. If you’re clinging to some failure or transgression from the past, you should realize that you are doing so. Then forgive yourself completely for what it was. Likewise, if someone else did something that you’ve been holding a grudge against. Forgive them and don’t hold that grudge. It’s belittling of people to hold grudges.

9. Learn how to talk to Yourself.

In fact, this is the topic of one of my favorite books. “What to Say When You Talk to Yourself” Some people repeat affirmations such as “I have a great self image,” which is fine, but you can improve your affirmation results by using leading questions such as, “why am I so confident?” When you ask yourself a question like this, your subconscious mind operates in a very simple manner.  It will immediately go to work looking for the answer, and it will report back to you all of the ways you already are confident. This, in turn, will boost your self image.

10. “Model” Other Confident People.

One way to improve your self image is to model the behavior of people whom you consider to be supremely confident. If you can befriend a very confident person, that’s great. But if not, just find an actor or other celebrity who is confidence personified, and study their behavior. Do this several times a week, and some of their confident mannerisms are bound to rub off on you.

11. Practice Being Thankful.

This one might seem a little weird and/or tedious. However, a grateful mind is a peaceful mind, and a peaceful mind radiates confidence. While you’re building your self image, practice making a daily gratitude list. Particularly focus on different aspects of yourself that you appreciate. Maybe you are a great swimmer, or good at math, or really strong, or a good dancer, or have an unusual sense of humor, or are good at design, or a great singer, or a really good friend, or any number of other positive attributes. Look for what is great about you, and then be grateful you have those qualities. Appreciating your good qualities will improve self-confidence, and help you develop the kind of positive self image that is crucial to success in life.

Action Steps

So, again, if you haven’t figured out what your mission is, that’s not a problem. It can be hard to go after your own thing if you don’t have the confidence in yourself to do so yet.

That said, even if you have your mission figured out but you’re not quite sure how to pursue it yet – don’t hesitate to start working these habits into your life. There’s a good chance you’ve already worked on a few of them, but utilizing all of them might possibly help boost your results.

career transition

Launching Your Career Transition: How Your Current 9 to 5 Can Become a Launchpad to Fulfilling Your New Personal Mission

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For many of us creatives, we come from a background of working a 9 to 5 job. Many of us weren’t lucky enough to grow up in a family who did business for themselves. So we’ve had to make the transition from working the corporate ladder to following our own dreams and goals.

Making this transition can be painful. Many times, bosses will be suspicious of our plans if they even hear about us starting our business. Or, even worse, they might see it as a threat and find ways to get rid of us.

For me, I can’t say it was all that difficult to quit the formal education world when I moved to full time at AMS. They had made it pretty clear that my “extracurricular” teachings weren’t appreciated all that much. In fact, one of them WAS threatened by what I was teaching. He thought I trying to keep people from pursuing a higher degree.

The truth was simpler than that: I just wasn’t all that great at being a math teacher. But what I was good at was helping people get better at being themselves.

Since then, I’ve thought about how this might have gone better for me. What could I have done differently that wouldn’t have threatened my coworkers so much? What I’ve realized as I’ve worked with others through the same issues here in the last couple of years, is that there was a couple of things I could have done better.

So, I thought I’d share those realizations with you in this post as well as some of the things I actually go right!

 

Show Interest in Your Colleagues

One thing that I could have definitely improved on what my interest in the lives of others. Back at that point, I was still learning how to converse with other people without coming off as a weirdo.

The secret to that is to learn about people without interrogating them. Just play it cool and find out if they have family or what their hobbies are. Find out what kind of problems they have in their job. People love to talk about themselves, so you’re just giving them a reason to actually talk to you.

They’ll probably appreciate it, too. The older you get, the more you realize that people are in their own little worlds. No one takes the time to learn about other people these days.

…and Your Boss

Those that are above you in the chain of command are usually there to manage others. If anything goes wrong, they step in and fix it.

That said, if you want to be recognized by your superiors, the best way is to find out how you can help them out. What kind of problems do they need help with? Can you help them? If so, what’s a solution to their problems?

The more you come up with good ideas to help them, the more valuable you’ll be viewed.

 

Become Interesting Yourself

As you become more interested in those around you at work, again, they’ll start to see you in a different light. If they have good people skills, they’ll ask you about you about your life just as you asked about them.

On top of talking about the typical things, now would be a great time to start sharing some of the core things that you’re interested in. Doing so will make you stand out. Mainly because people are used to others complaining in the typical daily routine.

 

Learn to Know When You’re Sharing Value vs Your Interests

After a few weeks or months in getting to know others, you might be realizing that some of people might be ignoring you. If so, this is because you might be sharing your interests a bit too much.

Instead of blatantly sharing your interests, do this instead:

As they probably know what your interests are and you know what their pain points are, ask yourself about what you know that can help them.

You don’t have to have every little thing figured out. Just show that you’ve noticed, have been thinking about it, and you’d love to chat about some potential solutions that you have in mind.

Those that appreciate solutions being solved might actually be blown away that you care enough to follow through with their pains. You might even gain a friend or two in the process!

 

Avoid Negativity as much as Possible

Because the world is the way it is, problems are usually discussed much more so than solutions. This is even more true in the workplace.

Now that some people start to recognize you as someone with solutions (or a fixer), they might start coming to you with other problems in their lives. “What do you think about this?” and “What do you think about what THEY’RE doing?”

At this point, you could easily bash some other person in favor of your own methods.

Being an ENTJ, this is what I naturally did. My judgement (the J in ENTJ) always lead first after them saying what the problem was. Then followed by the INtuitive Thinking.

This approach tended to get me into trouble.

Instead, what I started to do is communicate the fact that this is what I saw from their side. If I could see the other perspective, I would explain it to them. And then (this is what I got really good at) make an analogy. It’s my way of showing that I’m actually listening.

If you feel pressed to get solutions at that point, always come from a suggestion perspective: “Maybe the situation is this. Have you thought about this?”

If you refuse to go down that negative rabbit hole, then people will only see you as solutioned oriented.

 

Continue to Better Yourself

As you build these better relationships inside of current workplace, you should continue to build that “ahead of the curve forward thinker”. As I’ve said in recent posts, part of your personal mission is constantly build on your craft. You’ll be able to provide more value to those around you.

A lot of the time, you’ll need to get out of your comfort zone. In fact, nothing ever gets better unless you move out of your comfort zone. As you start to be recognized as a solution provider, sometimes you might have to say things that aren’t that friendly. But if someone has it coming, then you’ll be respected by those who matter.

And speaking of getting out of your comfort zone, it helps to look as if you do go the extra mile. If your office dresses a certain way, dress a little better than what’s considered normal. You want to stick out in a good way when opportunity comes knocking.

 

Action Steps

So there’s a few things that I’ve picked up along the way. A lot of which comes from my wife who’s had a career in HR. These are subjects that she has to deal with all the time – especially dealing with negativity and building connections with the right people.

So, tell me about you. If you’re in your 9 to 5 still, is this something that you could use to catapult yourself out of your current position? Have you already started with any of these techniques? What kind of success have you had?

I realize there are toxic offices out there that aren’t very supportive at all. If you find yourself in one of those, feel free to connect with me directly.

self mastery

12 Principles for Self Mastery: How I Went from a Scarcity Mindset to one of Abundance

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For me, it’s important to go over some of these past articles to see how far I’ve come. This one is another classic post from my days in LTD.

As I’ve expressed in several posts, it was during this time that I learned what would later become the foundation of all my entrepreneurial knowledge. It was inexpensive training that I thought (and still think) anyone could benefit from. That said, MLM’s are not for everyone. So that’s why I wrote these pieces early on – to help bring that knowledge to a wider group.

In this post originally dated December 4th, 2011, I list 12 principles which were really important to me at the time. They helped me move from a scarcity mindset to one that was more abundant.

If you’re looking for some good principles to base your self improvement on – this is a good place to start! Enjoy!

As you know, I’m making a major push in my life to actually get things done that I’ve wanted to achieve for several years now. One of those things is hire a professional coach. It’s been almost a year since mom passed, and I really need to get moving forward with creating a my own functional business. With the release of the LTD Media and Message Apps, I have been reminded more frequently of my Amway business, but truth be told – I haven’t taken much action. So I believe a coach there will surely help.

One thing I’ve realized during my time in LTD is that I want to surround myself with people who have an abundant thinking process. While not everyone has the same personality (some are more emotion oriented than others), I believe that living a life of abundance is something everyone can do.

It’s just a few core principles away – specifically 12.

So here are those principles I hope you can use to get out of whatever funk you might be finding yourself in!

The Principles of Self Mastery

1. Challenges aren’t Problems, They’re Opportunities

Problems are negative by definition. When you call a challenge an opportunity, then it’s turned into a positive situation where you can learn, grow, and meet your full potential.

2. Walls of Opportunity

With the previous statement, we see that obstacles in our life are there for us to grow and learn from. We can learn how to go over, go around, go under or exterminate problems in our lives. Once we do this, they’re no longer an unsolvable barrier to limit us from who we are.

3. Ideal or Nothing

It’s not ready, aim, fire. It’s ready, fire, aim. It is always better to take dumb action even though it’s not the exact action you want to take. Don’t miss opportunities because you’re trying to find or force the perfect one.

4. Time vs Priorities

Everyone that is, has been, or will be, has had the same amount of time in a day, week, month, and year (unless, of course, we colonize another planet with a different definition of time). With that said, the reason why people don’t achieve more in their life is because they don’t know how to prioritize better than what they’re currently prioritizing. Next time you’re tempted to say “I don’t have time,” remember yourself that you determined yourself that it was you who determined it wasn’t a high enough priority. Doing this will help you realize what you really value and how you can prioritize tasks and activities.

5. Good vs. Great

The enemy of Great isn’t bad – it’s good. Many times we don’t achieve something great because we didn’t do something bad, it’s because we did something good and settled for that particular result.

6. Thinking Not Knowing

Have you ever thought about the response “I don’t know” when you asked someone “What do you think?”? If you think about it, that’s not even the right response to that question. No one asked what the other person knows – they were asked what they thought. If someone asks you what you think, don’t be afraid to let them know what you think. If anything, you open up dialogue and communication with others.

7. The Multiplier Rule

When we take positive action, that action will be multiplied into two positive actions and so on. This rule could also be thought of as the Domino Effect as well as “adding a zero to a partner’s income”.

8. Values in Life

Whatever your values are, it is important to know what yours are and to make choices that are logically connected to them.

9. Roller Coaster Effect

Inconsistent action leads to a roller coaster effect of results. The more consistent your activity is in getting a result, the more likely it will be that you get that result. Consistent effort and follow through will make a huge difference in achieving your goals and dreams.

10. Focus and Duplication

You can do more with your time if you realize that 20% of your effort produces 80% of yours results. Once you know what 20%, spend your time on that 20% and figure out what tools, people, and systems can help with the other 80% of that effort. Don’t focus on making people exact copies of you – help them become a better version of themselves and show them where they fit into the big picture.

11. Stewardship

What gifts and traits do you naturally possess? What traits do others have? Figure out your strengths and share them with those less fortunate. If you do not, they will lose, but you will have the biggest loss. Help someone today!!

12. Never Quit

Mistakes and errors are learning opportunities. They’re not disastrous!! Learn from them and move on. You’ll be better the next time!! Failure to do so will result in disaster.

Action Steps

So really nothing to out of the ordinary here, right? I’ll tell you, when I first heard them, they made sense – but it didn’t seem like life could be THAT easy!!

Over time, though, I’ve realized that they have a ton of merit. Just like the Four Agreements.

Speaking of which, how do you think they relate to the Four Agreements or other rules that you might have heard? What would you add to this list? Let me know below in the comments!

 

how to stop binge eating

Glenn Livingston – Never Binge Again: How to Stop Binge Eating, Stress Eating, and Overeating (AoL 110)

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It wasn’t too long ago that residents of the US grew their own food. Instead of letting the big food companies and government tell us what to eat, we grew most of our food on our local farms.

Ever since we’ve let big agriculture take over, however, obesity has been on the incline. Sweet foods that we like to eat have become more abundant throughout the year and more readily available.

Because of this, phrases like binge eating, stress eating, and overeating have become the norm.

But because it’s normal, doesn’t mean it’s right.

In this conversation, I talk with Dr. Glenn Livingston about how to induce a mental anchor that will help us get out of destructive bad habits when it comes to food.

Having worked with the food industry as well as researching the topics through his own practice, he has found a great way to associate these bad habits with actions that don’t identify us.

In this session, find out more about that method and how you can apply it your own bad eating behaviors.

Enjoy!

 

SPECIFICALLY, YOU’LL FIND OUT MORE ABOUT:

  • How did Glenn get into the marketing world after being formally trained as a psychologist? 9:59
  • What was the point in his career that he felt was a major breakthrough to where he is today? 15:52
  • How did he decide what his next steps in life were when he was in the midst of his break down? 23:32
  • Why is it that food that’s affordable is typically made from bad stuff? 30:46
  • How did he learn to keep himself from engaging in unhealthy behavior? 34:31
  • Should one address overeating and binge eating the same way they address stress eating? 39:08
  • Why does portion control work and planning out meals for the week work as well as it does? 45:04
  • 3 top books he recommends or gives to others? 49:03
  • Fact from today that would blow the mind of someone from 10 years ago? 49:29
  • One thing under $100 that has changed his life? 50:07
  • Something that isn’t as bad as he thought it would be? 50:39
  • What’s one thing all high school students must know? 51:05
  • What’s the secret to achieving personal freedom? 51:34
  • … and MUCH more!

Right click here and save-as to download this episode to your computer.

 

ITEMS and PEOPLE MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

SHOW NOTE EXTRAS:

When Sugar is Poison, Let It Go!

Best Advice for Someone who Alternates Between Binging and Starving

All about Sneak Eating:

What if We Are Meant to Live to 150?

BONUS – Dr. Gundry on How Plants are Poisoning Us with Lewis Howes (Preview)

Thanks for Listening!

Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Leave a note in the comment section below!

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of the post.

Also, please leave an honest review for The AoL Podcast on iTunes! Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them.

If you have any questions feel free to email them over via the email mentioned in the show or by our contact form.

And finally, don’t forget to subscribe to the show on iTunes, Stitcher, Soundcloud, and/or Google Play Music. It’s absolutely free to do so.

A huge thank-you to you guys for joining us!

Cheers!

relationship building

Making Winning Connections: Relationship Building Tips for Life and Business

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As the Junto is starting to grow, I realize that there’s going to be more and more opportunities for people to connect with others who are seemingly going the same direction as they are.

To make sure they are, here’s a few notes from a recent John Maxwell course called the Mentor’s Guide to Relationships. I hope you can use the information presented here to make sure that a pursuing a certain relationship is worth your time.

At the very least, I want to help you realize if you’re in a one way relationship. One that you might be putting way too much energy in yourself and not getting anything back from it.

So let’s start off by looking at the four different levels of relationships.

 

Four Levels of Relationships

Surface Relationships

Now, when you’re on social media (or anywhere else for that matter) and you’re just meeting someone – you’re engaging in the most basic and common form of a relationship. A surface relationship is one where there’s really no strong commitment from either person and it’s a very passive interaction.

An example of a surface level relationship is just randomly adding a “friend” on Facebook and they in turn accepting that request. You might have just added them to your friends list because they have a lot of mutual friends – even though you don’t really know who they are.

Acquaintances would be part of this this level.

Just remember, all real friends start off as strangers at one point. So, just give it some time if you want things to grow…

 

Structured Relationships

The next level of a relationship is what’s called the structured relationship. These relationships are with people who meet at certain times. This can mean daily, weekly, or monthly.

Generally speaking this type of routine based engagement is centered around some sort of interest or activity such as an Meetup. In the online business world, it might mean a mastermind group. Or in the typical offline world, it can mean a group of students.

Outside of that group, there’s not much meaning for those people to interact – so they don’t.

 

Secure Relationships

The next level of relationships are those that when members of a structured relationships start appreciating the bond.

At this level, trust begins to form as the need to spend more time together grows. Most of the time, these folks will have no problems sharing with each other. And there’s a bit of a comfort zone feeling with these folks.

When you were going to school, these were the study friends. Perhaps they were the friends  that you hung out with before games. Or maybe they were your fellow band friends who you’d play euchre with each day. But the main thing was that these folks started relying on you as you relied on them.

In business, this might be someone that you decide to joint venture with on a particular project such as a course or new podcast.

 

Solid Relationships

Next up, we have the highest of all relationships – the solid relationship. At this level, not only do full trust and confidentiality exist, but there is a need to give back to the other party if they’ve helped you in some way.

Of course, this is the basis for a long term relationship.

If we were to think of the school analogy, your close friends were (or are still) examples of this! While, in the business world, you’d start new businesses with these folks.

 

Avoid High Maintenance Relationships

When I first started dating Maria I had a very strong feeling of “normality” when we were together. She felt like someone that I had known for a long time.

Society suggests – especially TV – that a normal romantic relationship is something that has a lot of maintenance to it. Drama and fighting is to be expected – not calmly discussing the issues at hand.

The truth is that this shouldn’t be the case in ANY relationship you want to make long term – including romantic relationships!

So how do you know if you’re in a high maintenance relationship?

In his book, High Maintenance Relationships, author Les Parrott talks about 12 different types of people who it would be hard to get along with – especially over a significant amount of time.

  • Critic – constantly complains and gives unwanted advice.
  • Martyr – forever the victim and wracked with self-pity.
  • Wet Blanket – pessimistic and automatically negative.
  • Steam Roller – blindly insensitive to others.
  • Gossip – spreads rumors and leaks secrets.
  • Control Freak – unable to let go and let be.
  • Backstabber – irrepressibly two-faced.
  • Cold Shoulder – disengages and avoids contact.
  • Green Eyed Monster – seethes with envy.
  • Volcano – builds steam and is ready to erupt.
  • Sponge – constantly in need but gives nothing back.
  • Competitor – keeps track of tit for tat.

 

Are you with one of these types of individuals? If so, you might want to move on.

If you wouldn’t be in romantic relationships with someone with one or several of these particular traits, why would you want to be in business with them… or visa versa?

Going from Surface to Solid Relationships

In the past week, I’ve relearned how awkward people can be when it comes to developing real relationships. Whether it’s simple friendships, jv partnerships, or going after a life partner… the goal is to not be a weirdo.

Believe me, I learnt the hard way!

So how do you go from adding a friend on Facebook to making them a good friend, business partner, or building something that could be even more?

Here’s 5 traits of a solid relationship.

 

Mutual Enjoyment

Here’s the truth. Spend time with people who enjoy your presence. If you feel that you’re having to pry and overly try with the relationship, it’s probably not a good foundation and you should move on.

Don’t be an irritant!

 

Respect

What’s the best way to make sure you’re not an irritant?

Be respectful of the other person.

Forget the golden rule of treating people how you’d want to be treated. Instead, treat people like they would like to be treated.

What’s that mean?

Learn how they want to be interpreted. Find out their story. Be curious and let them be the storyteller. Find out where they went to school and for what. If they didn’t go to school, find out what they’ve learned “the hard way”.

If you’re unclear as to how to read a certain topic with them – don’t feel like you have to assume something – this usually works out negatively if you do. No question is dumb. Just say “I’m not sure how to ask this but…” if you’re completely unsure how to ask something.

Have a problem with them? Let them know. Likewise, if they feel like they have a problem with you, they should come to you about it.

Make a point to get to know someone, but not for manipulative purposes. If they tell you something that’s a secret, don’t tell anyone. If they are hesitant in a certain area, learn how to help bring out the best in them through their own permission.

 

Mutual Shared Experiences

There’s a reason why military veterans get along as well as they do even if they didn’t know each other prior to them first getting together.

What’s the reason?

They have shared similar experiences.

From day 1, they’re taught to trust each other to be part of a larger organism. When you count on someone to do a certain action which allows you to do your job, then you’re going to care about that other person more. Cause if they get taken out, then you won’t be able to do what you need to do properly.

Sports players are the same way.

When talking about developing a winning football team, Vince Lombardi said, “The difference between mediocrity and greatness is the feeling these guys have for each other.”

It makes sense. If the line doesn’t do their job and block, then the ball handlers can’t do their jobs. The result is that the ball doesn’t go anywhere.

 

Reciprocity

For the above teams to win, that caring feeling needs to be mutual between teammates – whether on a battlefield with bullets… or on the gridiron.

Right here is how you can tell if a relationship is worth your time to develop. If you feel like everything is running smoothly, then everything is fine.

However, if you feel that the other person is getting a better deal, bring it up with them. If they don’t acknowledge it, then it might be time to move onto another relationship.

If you feel like you’re getting a better deal, then it’s your job to make sure that they’re being evenly compensated.

 

Trust

Trust comes over time and is the result of the previous 4 traits humming along just fine. Don’t forget that intentions don’t really matter when it comes to other people.

It’s all about actions.

When your actions match your words, that’s how you build trust.

Just make sure that those actions are positive and truly helpful to the other party!

 

Action Steps

As you might have realize, relationships are something that I take seriously. There was a time when I wasn’t super great at them – so I made it a point to go out of my way to learn about them. If you want to learn more about building great relationships, I’d check out the book by John Maxwell and Les Parrott 25 Ways to Win with People: How to Make Others Feel Like a Million Bucks

As you probably know, I’m a big fan of John’s and he has ton’s on this topic!